Scorpions

xxx rated humor



 


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After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the Obstetrician. 'Doctor,' the man said, 'I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair.

She can't possibly be mine.'

'Nonsense,' the doctor said. 'Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool.'

'It isn't possible,' the man insisted. 'This can't be, our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations.'

'Well,' said the doctor, 'let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?'

The man seemed a bit ashamed.

'I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months.'

'Well, there you have it!' The doctor said confidently. 'It's rust.'


Roger is a hard worker, and he spends most of his nights bowling or playing volleyball. One weekend, his wife decides that he needs to relax a little and take a break from sports, so she takes him to a strip club.
 
The doorman at the club spots them and says "Hey Roger! How are you tonight?"
 
His wife, surprised, asks her husband if he has been here before. "No, no. He's just one of the guys I bowl with."
 
They are seated, and the waitress approaches, sees Roger and says "Nice to see you, Roger. A gin and tonic as usual?"
 
His wife's eyes widen. "You must come here a lot!"
 
"No, no" says Roger "I just know her from volleyball."
 
Then a stripper walks up to the table. She throws her arms around Roger and says "Roger! A table dance as usual?"
 
His wife, fuming, collects her things and storms out of the bar.
 
Roger follows her and spots her getting into a cab, so he jumps into the passenger seat. His wife looks at him, seething with fury and lets Roger have it with both barrels.
 
At this, the cabby leans over and says "Sure looks like you picked up a real mean one tonight, Roger!"


Q: What is the proper thing to throw at a pregnant bride at her wedding?

A: Puffed rice.


A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked, "Sir, would you like to buy a bottle of this mouthwash
for $200.00?"

Aghast, the man said, "are you NUTS?, that's robbery!"

The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again. "Sir, since you are a bit irate, I'll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100.00?"

Again, the man replies bluntly, "You must be crazy pal, now go away!"

The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and begins munching away on one of them. He tells
the irate guy, "Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much".

Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite; suddenly, the guys spits it out and says, "HEY, this brownie tastes like crap!"

"It is," replied the salesman. "Wanna buy some mouthwash?"


A newlywed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin resort way up the mountains. They had registered on Saturday and they had not been seen for 5 days.

An elderly couple ran the resort, and they were getting concerned about the welfare of these newlyweds.

The old man decided to go and see if they were all right. He knocked on the door of the cabin and a weak voice from inside
answered. The old man asked if they were OK.

"Yes, we're fine. We're living on the fruits of love".

The old man replied, "I thought so...would you mind not throwing the peelings out the window...they're choking my
ducks!"


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